Family Before Career
This post might ruffle a few feathers, so a warning to those of you who do not have a strong constitution. I take a strong position on this issue, and I make no apologies if it might offend some.
This is the first time I have written on this topic, but I have talked a lot about it. Neither Dads nor working Moms are exempt. If you travel extensively with your job, I hope you are single.
I am talking about the road warrior. Some road warriors come home Friday night and leave Sunday afternoon, absent all week. Some stay away from their families for weeks at a time on a regular basis. I am not talking about people who travel once a month or go to a conference for a week.
If your job requires you to be on the road and away from your family for the majority of the week, you will regret it one day. This is especially true if you have children. Children need their Dads and Moms in their life in a substantial way. I mean daily.
There are professions that require excessive travel. If your passion lies in a profession that requires you to have a home away from home, think hard. If you want a spouse and kids, think really hard. The consequences are great.
One of my readers asked the question, “How do you survive your husband being away a lot?” Survive? That is a strong word with life-altering implications. However, it’s a great word to describe what the family that is left behind must do. It must survive without Mom or Dad.
I have four children and I spent two years of my career traveling every week. I almost lost my youngest son. He pulled away and didn’t even want to spend time with me. At the ripe age of 3, he had no idea when I would be there and when I would not. To deal with this he had to shut me out; it was too painful.
It took me almost a year to get him back after I stopped the insanity. There are still residual effects from those two years.
Don’t underestimate what traveling will do to your family. Don’t put your family on the altar. If you can, reduce your current travel if you are not a road warrior. Putting your career before your family is absolutely unacceptable and toxic.
Rant over. My intention is not to condemn, even though my words are harsh. Excessive travel is something that I believe is inexcusable. Let’s call it what it is. There is no room for political correctness when it comes to the emotional health of a family.
I have to check myself regularly. I ask myself if I am starting to put my job ahead of my family. If I see it starting, I realign.
While you all know I am an advocate for being successful in your career, it should never be at the expense of your family.
Comment by Jamie
This blog should be required reading for ALL parents. Well written Eric! I plan on sending your blog out to several people…with the intent of having them read this particular one!
Comment by Ginger
Nice post and great blog! I’ll be visiting often, I think.
Comment by Ginger
I forgot to say
Wendy directed me here today
Comment by The Blogging Boss
Thanks Jamie and Ginger. This is my passion.
Comment by Ken
Great words Eric! I’m fortunate not to have to travel at all but it may come one day. I’ve been lucky enough to be here for the young years at least.
Ken
Comment by The Blogging Boss
Hey Ken,
Your heart for your family will always keep you in the right place, no doubt about it.
Eat any chocolate lately?
Comment by MysteriousLady
Nice blog. Always put family first.
Wendy sent me.
Comment by Melli
AMEN!!! When hubby and I had our first child together (my second - his first) I cut back to working only 3 days a week. When twins came along 2 years later we said FORGET IT! What it would cost us in Day Care was NOT worth what I was losing out on by being home with them! We cut our income by HALF for me to stay home — and it wasn’t easy! A LOT of sacrifices were made — but they were all worth it in the end! The twins will graduate from High School next year - but until then, I’m still working only part time! They still need me!
Oh yea… Wendy sent me over here! Would YOU like me to try out??? *SMILE*
Comment by MysteriousLady
I read that book in your sidebar, emotional intelligence……..I’m too tired to remember much about it tonight. 12 hour shift, one retirement party for my boss, visiting thrusday thirteens, Wendys and the screens becoming a blurrrrr.
Good night…….
Wendy sent me….
Comment by The Blogging Boss
melli,
That is awesome! Yes, they need you when they are in High School more than ever.
Eric
mysterious, thanks for stopping by, get some sleep. The Blogging Boss thnks 12 hours is too much!
Comment by Jad
that’s very true. i grew up without my father around most of my life. it can be very difficult when you need a man to man talk.
Comment by Anonymous
You are SO right about this. My Dad traveled extensively throughout my childhood and this has had a very negative impact on me and my siblings. I vowed I would never have a career that took me away from my family. If you are a Road Warrior, PLEASE think about this.
Comment by Jillian
WOW to you, my Love, for courageously speaking out, and WOW to these marvelous comments!!!
You know my heart beats exactly the same way as yours does.
I do want to point out one exception. Military families. The wives and children of our soldiers make the supreme sacrifice of offering up the heads of their families to serve our country, perhaps to die in battle. This is no small thing. This is NOT the same as being a raped corporate slave.
When a woman says “yes” to a proposal of marriage from a soldier, she needs to know that she is also marrying her country. Over the years, I have met women online who are military wives, and I tell ya, they are a DIFFERENT BREED! They are strong, they love their men, they are super willing to sacrifice, even though their hearts ache when they are separated from their husbands.
A woman with the smallest doubt in her mind should not marry a soldier. I know that I could not have done so.
Other than the valiant men (and women) who serve in the military, I believe, as you do, that there is no excuse for work to pull one away from his home and family.
So, this must mean that you are coming home several hours early today simply to pamper me.
XOXOXOXO
Comment by The Blogging Boss
Great point, Jillian.
Those who serve and fight for our country are not what I call road warriors. They are families that are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. Nothing self-serving in that.
I can’t come home a couple hours early, but I will pamper you.
Comment by Jillian
Remember, you typed that in a public forum.
Comment by gl hoffman
well said…especially for over here in scenic America!
best–GL HOFFMAN, JOBDIG. http://blogs.jobdig.com/wwds