Reprint: How to Deal with a Micromanager

DEAR JOYCE: My control-freak boss almost tells me how to breathe, second guessing everything I do. How do I cope with a micromanager? – J.J.

Having never been in that room where a meddling manager sucks out all the oxygen with a yard-long nose in the business you’ve been assigned to do, I read up on what others advise.

Their advice – which always ends with “if all efforts fail, update your resume” – falls mainly into these categories:

-Depersonalize (disengage emotionally or “unhook” from your stress) the relationship.

- Keep the boss in the loop by getting advance agreement on how a project is to be handled and state progress regularly while keeping your activities in plain sight. Maybe even bury the boss in reports.

- Suck it up and strive for a mind meld: “You’re the boss and I support your high standards and hope to free you to achieve more by giving you less to worry about.”

- Straight talk the issue: “When you stand over me and give me a play by play, I wilt. Can you give me broader direction?”

Unsurprisingly, the answer boils down to different strokes for different folks. My choice of good advice on dealing with micromanagers comes from Eric Boehme, known online as “The Blogging Boss” (beatyourowndrum.com/career) who has 17 years in the information technology trenches as a manager. Now in management ranks for a prominent employer in Nashville, Tenn., Boehme offers online counsel about managers who try to manage everything. Here are excerpts:

COPING TACTICS. Working with a micromanager is a losing proposition. You must make changes, respecting your abilities and talent enough to make sure you are being fully utilized. And you must commit to “managing up” [managing people in positions of authority, especially your boss]. Follow these rules:

Rule 1 – Stay emotionally neutral in all discussions with your boss. Do not raise your voice. Even if you are ready to scream, keep it inside. An emotional outburst on your part will give a micromanager all he or she needs to continue controlling everything you do.

Rule 2 – Ask your boss for permission to be frank. Many micromanagers are not mature enough to have a direct conversation. If the conversation goes south, you can always remind your boss that you asked if you could be direct.

Rule 3 – Give recent concrete examples of where you feel you have been treated inappropriately. This is the hardest, but most important part. Prepare diligently for this discussion. Use examples that the micromanager cannot challenge what actually happened. If an example is totally fact-based, the only way a micromanager can refute what you are saying is by manipulating truth. That is another issue.

Rule 4 – Your goal should be to change one behavior at a time. Ask your manager to let you take sole responsibility for one task without additional approval. Focus on things you know should be your responsibility completely. This is an incremental process in which you ask for another and then another independently-performed task.

Rule 5 – If you are not getting anywhere with your boss during this trust-building process, you must decide whether to escalate this up to the next level [solo complaining up the ladder is very risky for your continued employment]. But remember, micromanagers tend to hire micromanagers, so assess your boss’s boss before acting. And remember too, that you must first give your manager the opportunity to address your concerns – it’s only fair that you treat your managers as you want to be treated.

NEW BOOK. Another resource for employees who are buried in resentment about all types of relationship malfunctions in the workplace is “Working With You Is Killing Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work” by Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster (Warner Business Books; $22.95).

Crammed full of actionable tips, the book counts five pivotal practices of managing up:

1. Train your boss to meet with you regularly.

2. Come to every meeting with a detailed agenda.

3. Keep a pulse on your boss’s changing priorities.

4. Anticipate problems and solutions.

5. Always be prepared to give a status report on your projects.

I give this book five stars for building success and emotional comfort in your job.

Copyright (c) 2005 TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.